Posted by: sharethewhine | November 23, 2009

Dating Sucks

Is it too early to give up on dating?

Don’t get me wrong, I have been having perfectly nice dates with perfectly nice men. What should I be expecting?? I know better than to expect fireworks and lightning bolts, birds flying around and angels singing, but when does “nice” change to “wow”? First date? Second? Tenth? Does a handshake and “Nice to meet you” really mean that he is “not that into me” and I will never hear from him again? Does ANYone know the answers to these questions?

I repeat, dating sucks. A job interview with coffee. I suppose it would help if I actually enjoyed meeting new people….

So here is the rundown to date. Bachelor #1 was a coffee date. Online, this man did not appear to be my physical “type”, but I am interested in meeting friends, so I am not just limiting my search to “the one” (whatever that means). Date attempt #1 was a misfire, however. I sat at the coffee shop alone for 45 minutes. I figured I had been stood up (although my gut said this wasn’t the case), he had gotten the date/time wrong, or we had a miscommunication when deciding on which location of the chain to meet. It turns out, none of these scenarios were true. It took many emails to determine what had happened. Here is my version of the story: I walked in to the coffee shop. I scanned over the patrons, which comprised mostly of older couples. There were two men on their own. One was nervously looking around the shop, but did not fit the physical description. I wasn’t entirely confident on what this man looked like, as the best picture on the dating site had him in sunglasses and a goatee. The other man was closer, but did not have a goatee and was engrossed in a book. I walked slowly by the second gentleman and paused. I almost tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention, but chickened out (yes, I will admit it). The fact that he was clean shaven and completely absorbed in his book convinced me that this couldn’t possibly be the man I was looking for, so I stood in line for 10 minutes for my coffee and sat at a table for 45 minutes total. It turns out, the clean-shaven book reader WAS my date!! So, my rant is, if you are going to change your appearance SAY so and if you are meeting someone LOOK UP every once in a while. I was next to him, waiting in line for a total of 15 minutes. He didn’t look up ONCE. Gah!

Bachelor #2. We threw caution to the wind and met for a dinner date at a nice Italian restaurant. Unfortunately, it was less Disney’s “Lady and the Tramp” romantic and more awkward job interview with pasta. Are all first dates supposed to be awkward, or is this a bad sign?? At the start of the meal, I placed the wine list in neutral territory and started to point it out to him, when he waved it away and said “Well that probably isn’t a good idea if we are driving after, is it?” and chuckled.


Oh….yes, that’s true….(Shit!!).

Now I couldn’t order a glass of wine without looking irresponsible! So much for loosening up with a drink! I believe we both did our best to power through, but he confessed to being tired (a couple of days later, in an email) and I was not only tired, but so nervous I was practically stroking out. I may have to reserve an official opinion until after we try again (if there is a second date!).

Bachelor #3. Another coffee date. I confirmed the address with him, which probably made him think I am type A, but I wasn’t risking another misfire. Based on his pictures, I was expecting someone slender but muscular, slightly geeky with glasses. In walks a tall, decidedly non-geeky, attractive man. No glasses and an eyebrow ring. Once again, I did not recognize him because of misleading photos (please see rant at the beginning of this post). Fortunately, he waved at me (I look like my picture, dammit!!!) and came right over. Despite him showing up better-looking and more “cool/artsy” than I expected, I was able to have a fairly enjoyable, normal (for me) conversation with him. The experts always say to be yourself and I think I achieved that goal. I don’t know if he will contact me again, based on gut impression and the aforementioned handshake/”Nice to meet you” combo. The only thing artsy or bohemian about me is the purple in my hair, so I question our compatibility. I am more “science club” nerd than misunderstood artist. We shall see if anything transpires.

Finally bachelor #4. This one is a new addition. He seems less interested in exchanging emails and is strongly campaigning to meet for coffee PDQ (ie- right away). I mentioned to him on Friday that I am planning to visit a girlfriend up the valley, but I need to talk with her first to determine which day will work. I haven’t followed up with him yet (I don’t have any more information yet) but I received another email from him last night, again asking to set a day. This is either flattering or disturbing. I will reserve judgement until after I meet him, but I am leaning to the latter.

So those are my current adventures. The only thing of which I am certain is that if I have to go on too many more first dates, staying permanently single is going to start looking very good. Hello, crazy cat lady!



  1. you are totally cracking me up!

    1st…. cudo’s to you for 3 dates in a week…i havent had 3 dates in a calendar year!(kay who am i kidding, i havent had 3 dates in a decade!)woo woo
    2nd….thanks for sharing the pain with all of us…i am truly inspired by your adventures and may even try for myself!
    where on earth are you meeting these bachelors?

    do tell…..

    in the meantime….good luck with the diet, (i too am back to what i ‘started’ at a few weeks ago, and cheers

    su 🙂
    dating goddess in training

  2. Thanx for the support, su!! It is nice to know that I am not the only one navigating the world of weight loss and internet mating…I mean, dating!

    I am currently on one of the freebie dating sites: Plenty of Fish. I have been on the matchy subscription kind, too, but this for me is a trial, not a commitment.

    Good luck to you, too!

  3. Wow girlie. A very interesting assortment of dates.

    seriously #1. If the book is THAT good, perhaps you should have stayed at home with it instead of signing up for a date. Sheesh. What should a girl have to do to get noticed…oh yeah. Show up!!!

    Regarding #2, awkward first dates aren’t necessarily bad. One of my best buds and I transitioned to dating with a VERY awkward first date. Now we are married.

    #3: Very interesting…can’t wait to see if there is another update on this one.

    #4: I am leaning towards disturbing, but will also reserve judgement. Bring pepper spray just in case. Although, since it is illegal, hairspray should do just fine.

    good luck m’dear and thanks for sharing


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