Posted by: sharethewhine | September 17, 2009

Innkeeper Lecture Series

Have you always wanted to be an Innkeeper, but never knew where to start or what skills are required? Finally, a lecture series designed just for you!
First Annual Fall Seminar Series
1. Shitgull Scare Tactics 101
– How to keep them from crapping on rafts and boardwalks: what works and what doesn’t
Prerequisite: Canada Goose Scare Tactics 100
2. A Lick and a Promise
– How clean is clean enough?
3. Stuff It
– How to place four towel sets into a space that only holds three and still make it look nice
4. Name That Stain
– stain identification and removal tactics
Additional topics:
Vocabulary series: “spooge”, “window spooge” (eg – cobwebs, dead bugs), “mystery pink stuff”
When All Else Fails: the appropriate use of scissors
5. How to Control a Wild Beaver
– hm, lets not go there…
6. Ancient Washing Machine Maintenance
– emphasis on exotic swear words, threats and voodoo hexes
7. Beginner Public Relations
– how not to laugh hysterically when tourists ask stupid questions
8. Intermediate Public Relations
– Telephone Etiquette  – eg: Saying “F#&k off, we’re closed” is never appropriate
9. Advanced Public Relations
– Actually talking to the guests
Guest speaker – my sister, because I don’t do that
10. Wine Appreciation Series
– A different bottle of wine will be opened each night and the relative merits of the vintage will be discussed
while drinking the whole damn bottle.
Each class is offered for the low, low price of $600 each.
BUT WAIT!! If you sign up for three or more classes by Tuesday, you will get each class at the drastic low price of $599! Hurry, sign up now!!

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